Brown Eyes and The Last Talk

Her deadpan stare penetrated through the greasy window
to meet his muddy brown eyes for that one last time
her blank canvas of a face only scarred by minor twitches
his stubborn eyes shoddily holding the water with continual bridges

Their words were minimized and interrupted for much long
silence had taken over the inexplicable feelings to which they belonged
she shuddered as he took her hand gently, of whatever he could grasp
his bewildered hair told tales she knew by heart, then she finally broke

Befuddled by the depth of moment transcending the impasse
he tried to talk for this finale, marching ahead to surpass
scarcity of words was not an art, he always had a poet's heart
for a moment his faith had crumbled, time was a cruel master

Every word he spoke transformed into a song as she listened
farewells bring out a catharsis, time dipped in a pink rose tinted
blood filled streets were no more a distraction, planes flew by
frozen in time remained their conversation, no audience to pry

Those beautifully knitted memories which had glass shards
picked out one by one, trembling voice and hands hard
her complexion returned with every syllable, why was this so short?
she exclaimed, he replied as only he could 'That's why you will remember, love.'

Her stare had turned to an intense gaze of passionate longing
his eyes filled up with contentment to have finally made her
understood his choice, he wasn't meant to be eternal like the sun
happiness and gloom filled equally as the distance increased

She was marked, she would wait, she understood the pain
he could finally be at peace, bullets awaited so did the rain.

Soon Till Later

Suspended in this knot so tender
Afraid of nothing and everything
I'm the real thing, not a pretender
Won't you come home to me?

I don't know this path I'm on
Roaming around, a desolate fawn
Love has been a good friend of mine
Though it was not always roses & wine

The broken vase is on the mend
Gentle repetition firms the cracks
love has always been my glue
I hope to sail, even if all is through

Returning to affinity when in vicinity
conversations laced in delicacy
Why to reminisce when we can see
Change is so strange and so are we

I lie out in the stonefield
Beneath the balmy night sky
Barely draped fabric around
Waking up the ghoul so shy

The stars don't judge out here
Skin caressed by the moonlight
I feel understood by this care
floating away in this dead space

I know the words held deep down
I know the dance of its sound
I save it within me as I leave soon
I don't have much time but I wait
Swayed and swept till later.

Far and Hard

Nocturnal habits
dimly lit by the dying embers
Careworn tapestry
revealing fresh secrets
Burning hallowed ground
only 'you' unscathed.

Distant hearts shouting
fragments go desperate
goosebumps behind the neck
calling for magic to save
belief so secure
it turns to faith.

Treasured flight of wishes
tumbling, back to free fall
leaky closet full of hope
polluting you
still you call it back.

"No,I don't know."

Can you take the ship?
shackled by fate
yet so free
to choose it.

Further Way

Goodbye to the sky we shared
as it bursts open wide,
we are painted blue.

Now we will fly freely
keeping the fire inside
casting the familiar streets behind.

We don't have to try
to change our small worlds
so we keep floating
in search of that distant light.

Walking with our dearest friends
spending a whole lot of our time
placing us in that glowing road
the only place it leads,
to home.

Stain Matter

No, I'm not the deceiving calm before the storm. Neither am I the devastation of Pompeii.

I'm the middle ground of constructive destruction, a slow death of crack cocaine.

I'm the Lysergic acid diethylamide trip of 18 hours; I see unicorns who are grotesque and demand to rape the weak members of their herd.

I'm a narcissistic cannibal, I spread butter on my skin. My toasted tongue is on the verge of tasting gun's metal before that final pin drop silence.

A wobbly ground, the marshlands have gathered and are filled up with creatures to bid me a farewell.

I am Jack's bursting vein on the forehead.

I'm Donnie Darko's multiverse with no deaths recorded.

I'm shit.

I'm stain matter.

Why?

Why can't the entire macrocosm as we know of it be devoured by a gargantuan black hole?

Why can't I eat everyone I love dearly so that they are always within me and never leave?

Why the entire mountain of my molecules go in a tizzy of Brownian motion when I don't understand others?

Why it is not my business to take care of my loved ones who are distraught but are too proud to ask for help?

Why cannot I make peace with the fact that my mind is handicapped when it comes to dealing with authority?

Why is my vision bleak when it comes to my rebellion? 

Why am I not good enough for the ones who I really want to like me and why does it matter so much?

Why can't I love a flake of skin on myself with the smallest fraction of intensity I shower upon my obsessions?

Why am I blinded by my false notions of being important to anyone?

A Night of Nothing

This night presents the largest arid desert with no place for the dew drops. 
They fell out of the bulging skyline and into the abyss just below. 
The angels are all sadists, they watch the thirsty die; writhing with hallucinations because of the dehydration. He is no human, he has strings which are pulled softly. 
There is nothing new in this adventure, already so much to feel that nothing is felt anymore. 
The fairy godmother came and shrugged her shoulders, now is not her time to conjure up tricks. 
Now is dead. Now is gone. Cheeks to kiss and hands to hold yet the story has no end to unfold.
 Now we stand in the majestic arcade which makes us delve into our deepest desires and finally walk towards our coffins made of beach sand. 
We sleep alone as always, her voice invoking false hope, like a fatal siren. 
ZzzzzzzzzZzzzzZ.

Can I?

Can I be that shooting star in your personal cosmos which brightens your life for the fleeting moment, never promising a commitment but the ephemeral stay changing your entire course?

Can I be that paradox which is hovering over your head ubiquitously but also disappears at a quick snap of your fingers?

Can I be that lonely toy in your collection whose every broken part you save and glue it back, the one you keep coming back to after the initial exhilaration of the new one's?

Can I be that cotton sheath you wrap around your skin which breathes your pheromones and you replace after it is filled with too much of you?

Can I be those escaping words of small talk you have to whip out to counter the growing sense of disquietude so that I'm always present as a shield?

Can I be the hand you hold in your soul shattering breakdowns and downward spirals, the hand whose skin you can shred into tiny bits when you feel nervous?

Can I be that fogged up glass on which you blow and paint your one worded dreams?

Can I be that ripped ego and the regret of a final goodbye? Could I ever ask you so much?

Toxic

A slow toxin
biding away its time
Disguised in sweet nectar
As they relish the last drop
Lick that taste on lips
Reminiscent of times
When it seemed rare
A special breed
They were proud of
Then distance of days
turning to minutes
Veins oozing full of it
Now they are addicted
Afraid of its loss if ever.

The toxin unaware
It cannot change itself
Everyone loves it
Only in beginning
Then pieces start falling
It loved them back
The more it stayed
More it was hated
But they also kept coming back
They shun its love
They don't feel worthy
Confused of its role
It grew cold
Recluse, a hermit
Imploding.

Say goodbye
Time has arrived
Toxin flows far away
To never bother
It tried to love itself
This land has no takers
Anger only speeds
The inevitable
Covered with ants
Truth in a larvae
Pushed too far
Stay high, stay possible
Bye.

My Time Of Rain

Soothing apocalyptic wind traversing
With each whisper it softly delivers
A message it seems, incubated in haste
Yet it penetrates the layers beneath
Reaches out to the shrivelled boy
In debt to his emotive abilities I remain
Awake only in deep seated need for rain
Drops smear the thoughts he voiced
Penned down on a parchment, dirty white
Holding him makes me relieved
The insanity of guilt, the rotten insecurity
Disappearing now, making me free
Oh no!
Fake a smile for the approaching stranger
Stuck in a paradox of need and paranoia
Daily cycle of familiarity, impatient fingers
Time speaks clearly; too soon I dwell
I lose control again, the boy hides well
In my time of needing the rain again.

Let Us Leave

Let us carve our felonies deep
Etched into the searing skin
Stare at them in pained nostalgia
Let us drink our pockets full of sin
Celebrate our depraved imagination
Destroy the mandate of rules within.

Let us take hold of our slumbering wants
Discover the man behind the fogged glass
Let us be bare and unguarded
Showcase our corroded yet young heart
Let us be proud of our longing
Elevated beyond comprehension of freedom.

Let us be not aware of the purpose
Wild frenzy to feed our corpus
Golden age was never to be claimed
Let us flesh out our innate love
Spread it around and save a little
For only it matters in the end so brittle.

Sleep to die

Welcome to the forgotten kingdom
here the keys do not exist
guarding the periphery, misunderstood
stands a lonely soldier
obsession is his poison
consumed by loss, he searches in vain
for the invisible bond, the cure
he was made to believe in
time a sadist healer,the poor man aged,
Lost his silk and the bite
so alone in his pursuit,
nothingness greets him at every corner
nature failed him so did the humans
guilt free, he bled silver
purpose? love? awareness? lies? truth?
in the jumbled up world of madness
he forced his eyes to black every night
giving up and hoping in the same flight
done are his days to dwell
the dark woods provide him a safe shell
he goes to sleep only to die within
no keys, no locks, no gates
he rests with his unknown sins.

Dissolution

Clouds spilled their melancholy to feed
a gradual dissonance of the fading blue
poured love washed away from
the crumpled paper lying deep
within the private quarters,
It bore inside the inexplicable words
practiced innumerably in front
of a mirror perpetually blurred
Never were they put forth to the recipient
fatal it would prove if ever revealed
instead they were swallowed in
a daze of momentary panic, gulped
drowned with whiskey, indulged
One night the mirror gave up the charm
bottle was neglected, another letter
devoured by fire, want dissipated and sky cleared.

Vain

Once the trees stopped swaying,
the leaves held their breath.
They were his suffering friends
plagued with barren love, he sailed.
Fragrance in air, he knew so well
to let it fill up his pores.
The last touch, how to breach
So valuable and close , so out of reach
All the toys were destroyed
He sprang out of the mirage soiled.

The failure of the stars to shine
waiting fields turn to moor
all those chemicals in the eye
trickling down the flowers, are dry.
Now the place reeks of despair
yet the wind is so familiar
murky are the ambivalent paths
dearth of thoughts, the only pass.
Running to the hills,
a search for the origins
buried inside his own mind
flooded with love so blind.

Schism

My precious thoughts, they leak
Onto the sedimented rocks, they sleep.
Tread cautiously you comely woman,
As you callously walk around
You touch them and provide false hope.

The schism is tangible and inflated

Relapse and recovery a cliched cycle
Perennially disturbed, a biased trial
Exhumed feelings and morbid flesh lust
So good together, remnants of feigned crust.

Epilogue

Welcome aboard the house of cards
humble abode, no holds barred
Our hearts laid the foundation
part misery part joy,
life and death in its creation.

Careworn door creaks out sonnets
masking the muffled screams
It once held love in every corner
now it is a trapping circle.

Sit by the library's fire, rest your head
enough time to wallow in burning nest
Read the chapters which once touched;
entwined our souls, made you smile
another lifetime it was, a work of fiction

Long night holds on, she is a friend
fogged windows demand an end
to the story, waiting for the sun
afraid of the light, we run
and hide within ourselves.

We try to talk, we don't understand
empty hope fills up the land
We again try to swim past the 'past'
"Are we strangers again?" She asked
Fragile dreams my love, they don't last.

Stairs are self imploding, dance and swing
Hand in hand, we walk towards it and sing
House of cards is going down, so are we
These were good times, she said
Kiss and bid me farewell,
Without you, it would have been a waste of time.

Brain Ooze Pt.4

Desire or want, the most primal and unbridled yet neurologically built feeling. I'm not lucid very often, there is always ambiguity and complications involved in my thought process. I always look out for the voice of clarity that wheedles me out of the spiralling puzzle but for once let me go out on a single foot and define desire and want as seperate units. Although as I write this, I lie in a sea of contradictions but for this one time I'm going to write what feels right.

Want is free from any influence in it's core, it is something that is unique and rare singularly at once. It is an unknown bit which gradually offshoots its colours, it can leave us puzzled, shocked, sometimes ecstatic but never sure and that makes us all fickle beings. It can be spiritual in the broader sense of term, more psychomatic, something for which the minute tissues in your organs are striving for, an unknown carrot dangling in front of our mule's body to keep it going. Want is as real and closer to truth as the bodily fluids, it makes us realize who we are. It is our becoming. Once we let ourselves completely immerse in it, there is no stopping the bird in us. I guess birds were created so we can stay inspired.

Desire's corners lie on the extreme ends of all the spectrums. In my honest opinion I find desires to be manipulated, influenced by external sources. They are almost materialistic needs we crave to make us feel no less than the others. Desire may mould us but that form is deformed, that is not who we are but who we perceive us to be according to the world. The inception of desire is not as pure as our wants because it can be inseminated in us, it is not visceral, not present inside our souls.

A sports car , a musician's dream, to hold hands, to write a story, to have an ear to speak to, to listen, rape, lust, love, a doors poster signed by Morrison, search for the invisible truth, innards of her heart and brain, all of these are cardinal elements. I want someone to distinguish the wants and desire. Clarity hold me in your arms and break my neck.

Mired

I'm a catalyst slipping through
The permeable skin of your thoughts
Novice increment of the new one's
They wash away my existence
Waves constantly disintegrating the stone
Now I'm sand, I look pale but look
Closely, I'm interesting and colorful.

A kite that flies miserly and shy
Yet it takes a flight to make you try
Now I morph, where are the strings
Make me, Use me, mold me, love me
Don't feel guilty, I've lost enough, kill me
The change is mine to make or take
Keep my heart beating for your's sake.

Pumping through the veins I spike
I'm a part of your organic matter
Think of me, feel my disposition, no blunder
Buzzing through your ears, I'm euphony
Remember me, once you bared the soul
I did the same, maybe a divergent goal
As you set the fire and lose the footing
In the boggy quagmire, I sing
Buried. Buried forever.

Bore Spirit & Stoic Den

My heart reeks of selective compassion
A grey charcoal laden heftiness
paves the path, singular choice in selection
Scentless thoughts, monochrome voice
Reckoning occluded, I hear no noise.

Petrified of these new beings, they entice,
Read my limpid soul, the period is a bliss
Sudden realization of a veil crossed
Oh now they are an apparition,
hands disappear, they overcome me
And move on.

I stay, I hope, I return, I bore
Cardinal sin of disinterest I tore
A moment of benign feelings expressed
They don't prefer pervasive honesty
This inexplicable need for love
It is a weakness I'm told, hold it
inside, anomalous those who show it.

Now the sand glass is drained and split
Time is thrown out of the stained window
We are abstained, gagged and frozen
Living a sadist fantasy, sad and sullen
I tell them to not stop feeling and show
A dour place where pent up rivers flow.

Afraid of their naked self in the open
Self preservation only in this stoic den
It all combines, is it a crime to be doting
Convoking the kindred spirits, few flying
into the wild, only they will not ignore
As I perceive sometimes, I'm a door or a bore.

The Boy Who Stopped.

Once upon a time, a boy lived
Beseiged by concrete walls
Putrid smell of wasteful thoughts
Fouled the air he breathed

He was alone with metal boxes
No pets, no people, only longing
To feign importance to his prime
He concocted tales of unabashed rhyme

His malaise was deemed uncurable
An illness of magnanimous scale
Medicines were futile against heart
A heart brimming up with loneliness

How to get close to a distance
Which no love could cross
Naked he felt, a virgin in feeling again
Crevices in skin oozing the sickness

It's all in the head and yes it's real
Bottle with no inhibition mapped
Quick succession, a foregone trap
He saw someone, always out of reach
A hand to touch only in dreams

Mother, he missed in his routine tales
Father, he ashamed all his life
A sense of closeness, a silk veil
Now he is fond of the black drop
It melts the baggage and hides him

A mask of tranquility, a featureless face
Now he walks freely, with a smile
Rancid thoughts his heart ogles, still
Trust no one but long for their words

Never tell them, destroy yourself
Told you! Hah! No one gives a fuck
He still gave himself, played all in
His cards though never made the play

Never in history could he be remembered
Not significant, so loved by the others
But one love he could never find
Was the one for himself

No one told him otherwise to assume
Now he sleeps and dreams
Of vacant spaces and empty chairs
Now he wants loneliness

His only loyal friend, a dive, a shot
Now no laughter, no tears, no surprises
It's dark. Born and Raised.
Finally he stopped talking.

Go. Goodbye. Gone. Go.

As the night builds around
The melting radiance swallowed
Detach the thoughts
Submerge the love
Flood them all beneath the sea
Spare me from me
No need to care!
No need of them!
No need of me!
Hands I will leave behind
They always haunt
Why the goodbyes?
Why the different roads?
Why the new faces?
Ruthless all seems at dawn
Do only I conceive such thoughts
Or do they think about it too
I don't need to know
Maybe I do, alot
Juxtaposed at bedside
Lie my priorities all jumbled
Goodbye and farewells the lowest
Bind me and save me
From this act of valor
Lose, need, die, resurrect
Circle with distinct sect
Tight is the hold
But the grip starts loosening
There it snaps, my rope of sanity.

Caprices Et Fantaisies

They come to me
uninvited, relentless in pursuit
A scar on my face,
a bruised eye
Sparkling silhouettes of mystery
They follow the sinking boat
A widow's longing
a summer sweat, they drown the pyre
I meet the ghosts of consciousness
They are fading every dying second
Living on the land,walking in the sand
as their memory evaporates
I fill them with whims and make them mine
HAHAHAHA!! I'm the master of puppets
I fetch them from oceans
I kill them for pleasure
I kiss the beautiful ones
See, now they are placid
Easily mine, they take vapid forms
What do I seek now?
Oh no, not that one, not mine. Please.
They keep arriving, buckets and ships

sinful revelry we conduct

a carnival of frivolous banter

Oh now they fear the master

Your heart is dark, they complain

I wish they were friends

Alas, they leave me.

Oh Needed One.

Oh Needed one.
How beautiful it must seem to feel the adore.
How wonderful to exclaim the others pathetically needy.
How majestic life's patterns would look to you, not worrying about the need.
How safe it must be to not drink up the insecurity.
How so curious for the new minds that satiate your desire.
How freeing to not dive into the bottled agony.
How easy to balance the relations old and new.
How happy the world would look in the rose tint.

Oh Needed one.
How unaware yet aware,
Indomitable,
Affable,
Circumscribed with love,
Unpredictable,
Moody hair a clue,
So needed, Oh you lucky needed one.

Oh Needed one.
How radiant your face in the self assuredness.
How loquacious without a fear of loss.
So missed by the needy in times eternal,
How worthy you are in their eyes
So gracious, yet unattainable
Stars named, oceans tamed, for your attention.

Oh Needed one.
Swimming deep inside their buried wishes.
Central characters in many stories,
How simple your lives, boundaries so clear.
How flowery your image in the eye of needy.
How a tiny smile, small praise, such heyday.

Oh Needed one.
How they try with so much vigor to hold you,
You, never to be caged bird,
So magnificent in full flight,
Intrinsic charm so palpable,
So close yet always so far,
Old have lost their touch, such bore
On the prowl for new,
Needy,
So greedy, the needed one.

A Weed's Chaotic Compendium

You speak about the floating variables
Transcedental, pouring through the cosmos
You tell their tale of obscure paths
Are all the choices an illusion so perfect
Has it all been a fabrication to lead me here?

Years of soft labour and delusional fantasies
Truth is omnipresent but critically invisible
Each version of history to feel better of self
Why were you born? A perennial longing
That burning question of purpose, lingering.

Always in the way, manufactured borders
Though love makes me strong, it is a weakness
Waiting for the immutable day when her smile
Is unable to solve everything magically
The hour, that minute, my walk to broken levee.

No familiarity with the burgeoning grass
Why am I so happy being a weed for them
My convoluted path, so bedridden my lot
I miss spending seconds with them, all the time
Projected beings have solidified, now we coagulate.

Self awareness is a scam, a plague in my head
Obedience makes me spineless, freedom reckless
Eons building up, moving on, now I feel negligible
You still enthrall yourself with trite methods
I suffer a fit, I fall sick, please cut my chords.

The Last Straw

Why do you feel the way you do
Is the ear wide smile a tiny clue
Or is it the way her eyes boast
Making life a holiday on the coast

Blue moon rose and surprised us
Walking down the sandy staircase
Doubt lingers all around, need a sign
Is it a hoax? Games of a flighty mind

Cannot run anymore, feet so unstable
A light shines but is unreachable
I got this soul besides me so close
Heaven in me decided not to chose

How do I trust or get trusted now
Or is it a game with no rules
The wall is high, the ladder broken
Walk on a tight rope all blackened

Say what's been brewing in mind
A concocted potion of disarray
Feel each moment paving the way
For that foreseen and last goodbye